Other Shakshoukas

Saturday

Great news- I am seaworthy. Today was our friend Zoe’s birthday and we went deep sea fishing off the coast of Ballycotton- a fake-sounding town nearby. What we thought was going to be a picturesque day turned out to be muggy and gray. But fear not, dear reader. We made up for the piss weather by laughing about how unbelievably ridiculous this trip was. Zoe had asked around town to see who had a boat. An old man named Paddy stepped forward with the answer to our prayers- a boat and him willing to let us board. The vessel was… rustic. I chuckled to myself about boarding this… rustic watercraft at 7am on a Saturday with a group of people I have known for 3 weeks and our silent sea captain, Paddy who, if I’m being honest, didn’t seem to be keen on us.

The dreary weather had us slowly rocking along the water at 45º angles. Honestly, I am shocked I didn’t lose my breakfast into the salty Atlantic. I kept my eyes on the horizon, stayed hydrated, and made it out in one piece. One friend was not as lucky and another descended into hysterics learning she is afraid of water. When we returned to sweet, sweet land, we smoked some of the fish that we caught earlier (yours truly caught two mackerel) and headed to the pub to watch Ireland clobber Scotland in the Rugby World Cup.

Sunday

I walked to the beach and had an afternoon of no thoughts, just vibes. Had a friend over for dinner who told me that his mom called him to share that she had just followed a “fellow student of [his] that is writing a very nice gay blog,” the best feedback I have received in my entire life.

Monday

Each week, we have a brand new teacher to keep us on our toes; pivoting to a new style of instruction can be tricky. The teacher to student ratio at school is 1:6 so while class sizes are small, we are intensely watched. Week four started out with a flop unfortunately. I did some things that, in the back of my mind, I thought were probably incorrect, and got called out (politely) during my tasting. For example, I had to make refried beans from raw black beans. I made them so very dry by cooking off too much water. Teacher helped me save them with a little more oil and some water, so not all was lost, but he gave me a “below expectations” on them which was honestly so fair. I also made tacos and a lemon soufflé thing that ended up working out, but dammit, the beans bummed me out. On a more positive note, my teacher from last week, Florrie, tapped me to help with an event she is in charge of at the school. It entails prep work in the kitchen for a 45-person lunch. So I suppose ya boi is doing something right!

Tuesday

This is not my week. I made another silly mistake while making shakshouka and overcooked my eggs by a mile. My instruction is more hands-on than I'm used to this week, and I like to be a free-range Matt so it's taking some adjustment. Ultimately there will be a tomorrow and a day after that and we will have new thoughts, feelings, and other shakshoukas then. Hopefully we get the eggs right next time.

Wednesday

Today was lecture day. The topic was “how to open a restaurant.” Honest this is not something I'm super interested in so I was just along for the ride. One of our assignments today was to make and present a mock menu for a breakfast/lunch restaurant. I got to have some good banter with the teacher who was extremely dry humored. A friend of mine who had worked with this woman in the past said that “no one can ever get her to laugh”... I did because I’m very talented and charming and witty and humble. She roasted me and I clapped back in a playful way that had great reception.

Overall I learned some interesting things about running a business, like how menu strategy can affect a restaurant being able to sink or swim and how much legal knowledge is important to a successful eatery. Now I’m off to a yoga class hosted by a former student who is just a delight and then a little birthday gathering for one of our friends.

Thursday

Choux pastry* was the name of the game today. (I also made something else. but I don’t remember what it was.) The process of making the pastry is kind of intense and it all has to happen pretty quickly with no flaws along the way. First you have to melt the butter in tepid water- should be warm but not hot. Then stir in your flour very quickly. After that, cook the dough in a saucepan to get rid of a raw flour taste, but be careful not to let the dough gain any color. Let it cool down, but not let it get too cool or it will be tough to work with. Finally, add one egg at a time. It may not need all the eggs the recipe calls for because the world isn’t perfect and we humans are constantly required to ask life-altering questions such as “is my choux pastry ready to accept another egg?”

I was expecting so much to go wrong. But you guys… I crushed it. I tapped into some higher power that carried me to eclair greatness. To finish, I drizzled the little guys with caramel and filled them with cream Chantilly**. This was tedious but straightforward—I made the caramel sauce by melting down sugar, and I poked a hole in the eclairs to fill them with cream. BOOM. A triumph.

OH I also made chili. It was good, but my pride and joy in this moment is the eclairs so I will not be elaborating on the chili.

Later that evening I took a butchery class where we broke down one half of a lamb. Our instructor, Leo, was so passionate and great at guiding us to success in a task that was just physically large. After we broke down the lamb into assigned parts, he offered to show us how to break down an extra section. I partook in this and Leo told me I was a natural (!!!) which I’m sure he often dishes out but it honestly made me blush (???).

Friday

Rounded out the school week by making a Monkfish Curry and Goat Cheese Croquettes♥. Both were very tasty. The Monkfish is such a wild looking creature, which I was tasked with filleting. It’s a really tasty fish that isn’t very “fishy,” for lack of a better term. But while carving that bad boy up, I couldn’t help but wonder†, was the person who decided it would be a good idea to cook and eat this beast of the deep a total freak?

That evening, we took a stroll on the beach and then decided to venture to a different pub rather than our regular watering hole and ooooh what a treat it was! It was a pretty slow Friday so the lead bartender treated us so wonderfully. He gave the wine drinkers very healthy pours and offered us a sample of his signature cocktail called the “monkey business” or the “funky monkey” or the “monkeys on a plane”? I honestly forgot but it tasted like a passionfruit sorbet. If you ever find yourself in Cloyne: stop by The Rock pub. (No affiliation with Dwayne Johnson.)

Despite my disappointment that this bar in rural Ireland did not have even a single photograph of the WWE wrestler turned blockbuster actor, I can say it was a delightful week. We flopped, we slayed, and we lived to tell the tale. See you next week! Signing off of this week’s gay Ballymaloe blog.